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CheapShow gets sexy.txt
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CheapShow gets sexy.txt
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- I keep saying this to you!
- ...sweet chilli sauce.
- I keep saying this to you. When you... If you ever met a lady impromptu in a night, and...it was going well, and she wanted to come back to yours, you can't take her back to your fuck--
- I've got the full proof. I've got the full proof.
- You don't.
- All right, you're the lady. Come on, we'll do it one more time.
- All right. Ahh, you're such a good DJ, Mr Silverman.
- Thank you.
- I'm liking you very much.
- I don't want to see no panties.
- What?
- Nothing.
- How dare you? This is a...how dare you?!?
- Start again. Right. She's gone. New one. Same voice.
- All right, then.
- No.
- All right, love. All right, okay, another voice. Eh, all right there. I really like the music you played tonight, and I'm just wondering if I can buy you a drink.
- Uhh...sure! I'll have a...whiskey or summat.
- All right, I'll get you a whiskey.
- Go away. Brilliant.
- Half an hour at the bar, coming back...All right. Sorry it took so long, mate, but there's your whiskey for you.
- Thank you.
- Now...
- I've drunk that.
- It was nice, wasn't it?
- Uhh, it was all right.
- I'm a little bit drunk as well. ...God almighty. I've gone off you. I'll be honest with you!
- You've already gone off me.
- You burped in my face!
- This isn't very realistic, Paul! You've already gone off me!
- It's very realistic.
- We haven't got anywhere close to the fucking House of Pickles yet!
- All right, how do you chat me up? You see me and I'm chatting with you.
- All right, all right. Hello.
- So, the Earth, Wind and Fire song, where did you pick that up from?
- I got it from a record shop.
- Oh.
- Yeah, it was only a couple of quid.
- Ooh.
- It's a good one, that, innit?
- It's one of my favourites.
- So listen, uh...
- Yeah? My name's Kate.
- Kate...
- I told you that already.
- It's a lovely name.
- I like it, it's my mum's name as well.
- I like what you're wearing...
- Do you like what I'm wearing?
- I just said I did.
- I've got... It's all pushed up. It's not usually what I wear, but I thought I'd go a little bit crazy tonight, because...
- Why?
- I listened to your voice on the podcast and I really wanted to be with you tonight.
- All right, uh...you want to come back to mine, then? Let's not beat about the bush, so to speak, pun intended. Ha!
- Yeah, I've gone off you again.
- Uhh...you want to come back to mine?
- Yeah, we can get back to yours.
- There is one thing, Kate.
- Yeah?
- My room is an absolute shithole, and has various chutneys and pickles in jars spread around.
- Oh, that's...
- Is that going to be okay?
- It's not going to be great, though...
- Well, fuck you, then.
- ...Oh.
- Fuck off. Get out of the DJ booth.
- I'm not... All right.
- You are in the DJ booth, and it makes me uncomfortable.
- Dear Twitter, Eli Silverman is a sex beast.
- I'm not! I didn't...I just said I...
- And he is a disgusting monster. And he called me...a slag.
- I did not!
- ...And I don't think you should ever trust him again. Dear Twitter, Eli Silverman is a perv.
- ...Well, that went well.
- Yeah, it did go well.
- So you're going to talk about sex lives, Paul?
- Yeah, so...
- Do you like me?
- No. I do not like you like that, Paul.
- Why not?
- No. I never have...I've never even thought...
- Never?
- No.
- I had a dream about you once...
- Did you?
- ...where we had sex.
- Really?
- Yeah, I did!
- Oh, Paul...
- I had a dream once, this is a long time ago, where you stopped me from leaving a bar, and you put your hand up against the wall and you went "You're not getting out of here until you kiss me".
- I did not.
- You did! And I remember thinking "this is wrong, but so right".
- Perhaps it was symbolic of our future...
- And we kissed. And I tugged you off.
- ...entanglement.
- And you got it all over my t-shirt...which is my Nintendo t-shirt.
- Again, this is a dream that Paul is describing...
- This is a dream!
- ...and it's not real.
- I want it to be real.
- I know you do. I know...
- I want to tug you off.
- This is what the subtext of the whole...of the whole of this episode is basically coming down to, isn't it, Paul? Your unrequited...
- Love...
- ...and quite strong sexual desire for me.
- I just think we'd have fun.
- We would not have fun; it would be the end of the podcast.
- It would be the last end of the podcast...
- It'd be the end of our...
- But that's our big finale! That's how we end this show forever!
- Live stream it?
- Yeah!
- All right!